This Coffee Wants To Kill You

Seven coffees with enough caffeine to wake you from the dead.

Apparently there’s one thing that most coffee with high caffeine content shares: Dark packaging and a name that sounds like it will kill you.

While most coffee will wake you up, these coffees can wake you from the dead. They cater specifically to the caffeine enthusiast, late-night student, all-night truck driver, or just a coffee drinker that wants to take a walk on the wild side.

Ready for a little extra pick-me-up in your morning routine? Here are a few highly-caffeinated coffees to try:

Death Wish Coffee

Death Wish Coffee

Death Wish Coffee is the benchmark World’s Strongest Coffee that all other strong coffees are measured against. Death Wish basically created the category of strong coffees, and if you’re just looking to try one, this is a great place to start. In addition to its hyper-strong caffeine content, Death Wish Coffee is also Fair Trade and USDA Certified Organic, so you can feel good about the cup you’re drinking.

Get yourself a bag of Death Wish Coffee here.

Valhalla Java Odinforce Blend

Valhalla Java Odinforce BlendCoffee

In addition to their original flavor, Death Wish Coffee also makes Valhalla Java Odinforce Blend, so you can get your caffeine kick (about three times the amount of normal coffee) with a different taste and aroma, or order both and see which one you like more.

Get yourself a bag of Valhalla Java Odinforce Blend here.

Banned Coffee

Banned Coffee

Do you arm wrestle gorillas? Do you like being strapped to the outside of a Jet Fighter’s wing? Is your idea of fun swimming with sharks while simultaneously having juicy steaks strapped to your body? Then according to Banned Coffee, their highly caffeinated blend is for you. Another coffee that claims to be The World’s Strongest, Banned Coffee uses Costa Rican, Hawaiian Kona, Kenyan, Colombian, Ethiopian, Cuban, Jamaican, Yemeni, Sumatran, Peruvian, Tanzanian, Blue Mountain, and Honduran Arabica and Robusta beans for a rich aroma and maximum caffeine content.

Get yourself a bag of Banned Coffee here.

Shock Coffee

Shock Coffee

With 50% more caffeine than leading brands, Shock Coffee adds hours to your day, but they also claim that their blend is designed to not give you the caffeine jitters. They’ve been featured on The Today Show, ABC Nightline, CNBC, and Food Network, and have been making strong coffee since 2006, so they’ve had some time to perfect their formula.

Get yourself a bag of Shock Coffee here.

Wake The Fuck Up!!!

Wake The Fuck Up Coffee

Feeling tired? This is the coffee for you. Drink this and you won’t perspire, you’ll percolate.

Get yourself a bag of Wake The Fuck Up!!! here.

The Red Goat

The Red Goat Coffee

The Red Goat is made in Portugal by 5th generation roasters, and with more than triple the amount of caffeine when compared to your average cup of Joe, it’ll get you ready for the long haul!

Get yourself a bag of The Red Goat here.

Killer Coffee Co

Killer Coffee Co

One of the only strong coffees that doesn’t come in a black bag, Killer Coffee Co still puts a skull on their label so you know they mean business. This Australian coffee is strong enough the wake the dead, but won’t break your teeth with bitterness.

Get yourself a bag of Killer Coffee here.

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